Crossroads

For the most part, I've loved having a single dorm room in college, but there are times when I wish I had someone to live with. It's getting to be that time of year when you determine where you'll live for the next school year. Last year it wasn't really an issue- I knew I was going to live on campus in my own room again. This year, however, is different. I don't /want/ to live on campus again. I feel like if I'm going to move on and live an adult life, I should make the transition to an apartment or a house, and live the 'real' life- or at least a softened, college version of it. This is a decision I think all of my friends who are living in the dorms a second year are making as well, and that's where the loneliness sets in. For them, the decision of who to live with and who to search for housing with is easy. They had roommates, and they'll keep the roommates they had. I'm also at the opposite end of the hall, so my friends who have doubles next to each other- easy, they'll just live with each other. They practically do already. But where does that leave me? Trying to find a single, studio style apartment is hard, and they're all extremely expensive. I don't want to share a room, because of my medical needs, so conceivably, I would have my own room, and two friends would share the other room, or one friend. But no one has asked.

In the roomie situation, I do often feel left out. People share secrets with their roomies, and exchange knowing glances. The friends who have doubles next to each other are always gathered in one room gossiping. At the other end of a (long) hall, I feel left out, and out of the loop. I know I'm speaking nonsense, but I just feel so damn lonely, and not as close to the other girls as I would want to be. My best friend here is currently in England, so I'm missing out on that person I could share secrets with and have as close to a roomie relationship as you can have, and my other good friend transferred schools. Am I just pathetic?